How to Raise a Confident Kid

Confidence Comes from These 3 Ingredients

  No one questions the importance of confidence in determining success. Nowhere is this more obvious than in sports. All the physical talent in the world won't do you any good if you don't have the confidence to use it. Conversely, there are many examples of athletes whose physical skills are merely average, but whose self-confidence propels them to the top of their field.
  It's no wonder then that countless numbers of parents ask, "How can I help my kid become a more confident player?"
  First of all, your child is not going to gain self-confidence from fancy pep talks, psychological string-pulling, or even from positive-thinking handbooks. The flow of confidence comes from many tributaries. Three of the most important are: Competency, Connectedness and Control.

Competency: Competency comes from developing and mastering skills. There are several ways you can encourage your athletic child to develop a sense of competency. These include:
  * Providing step-by-step learning for essential skills
  * Focusing on the "do-able" parts of any challenge
  * Encouraging personal goal-setting
  * Teaching children how to motivate themselves
  * Helping them to see skills as something that can be acquired
  * Being generous in your praise and estimation of their abilities

Connectedness: Every time your child successfully interacts with others, his confidence grows. That's one of the great things about sports. Sports offer numerous opportunities to become a member of a group or team, to learn leadership and team skills, and to feel that you belong to something bigger than yourself. However, kids are often hesitant to reach out. You can help by providing non-threatening ways for your child to interact with others -- such as offering to take the team out for ice cream or pizza after a game, or car-pooling team members to practice.

Control: It is hard to be confident when you feel you have little or no control over what is happening around you. You need to help your child understand that while you often can't control situations, you can control how you react to those situations. Self-control is the most powerful kind of control there is, because it is a key component of maturity.
  How do you teach children self-control? One way is to help them recognize their "hot" buttons. These are buttons that, when pushed, make them feel angry, inadequate, unsure. For example, maybe there's an opponent who always taunts your child. And your child always responds by getting angry or upset and playing poorly. Once your child consciously realizes the "game" that is being played, he or she can work on rewiring those hot buttons. This means coming up with a strategy to control the reaction to the button-pushing. This strategy may include positive self-talk, humor or ignoring the stimulus.

  Finally, as a parent, you can help your child feel confident through your own quiet confidence in his or her ability.  After you've done your best to prepare your young athlete, it's time to sit back, relax and enjoy the experience.
  Be confident in your child's ability to do a good job, and chances are, he will.

George A. Selleck, Ph.D. is a sports psychologist with advanced degrees from Stanford, University of Southern California and Princeton. He has played, coached and consulted for both amateur and professional athletes, and is author of several books including 'Common Sense: Coaching to Make a Difference' (2007, Coaches Choice).

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